


reshape the foundation

by thisissirius



Series: eddie week 2021 [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: No Lawsuit, Post-Tsunami (9-1-1), because it was a shitty storyline, i needed these two idiots to have a moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29786397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “I have no idea what I’m doing,” Eddie says, voice barely above a whisper.The movements on the other end of the phone don’t stop, but Buck’s voice is a little softer. “About Chris?”Eddie’s glad he doesn’t have to explain. Somehow, Buck always seems to know what he’s trying to say even when he can’t put thoughts to words. “He’s having nightmares and I don’t know how tohelphim.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: eddie week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189430
Comments: 12
Kudos: 267
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	reshape the foundation

**Author's Note:**

> eddie week ;_; my favourite time of year (lol)
> 
> enjoy some "the lawsuit sucks and these best friends would never" fic while eddie just wants to be a good father ;_;

Eddie picks up the phone, hates himself a little for the weakness, but he can’t think of anything else to do. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, sounding sleepy but happy. 

Guilt rolling in his stomach, Eddie blurts out, “can you come over?”

Immediately, he hears rustling. “Of course. Are you okay? Is Chris—”

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Eddie says, voice barely above a whisper. 

The movements on the other end of the phone don’t stop, but Buck’s voice is a little softer. “About Chris?”

Eddie’s glad he doesn’t have to explain. Somehow, Buck always seems to know what he’s trying to say even when he can’t put thoughts to words. “He’s having nightmares and I don’t know how to _help_ him.”

“I know,” Buck says gently. “You need to put him on the phone or can you wait until I get there?”

“I can wait,” Eddie says, leaning his forehead against the wall. “Please.”

Buck’s breath hitches and Eddie doesn’t wanna know what he’s thinking. “I’ll be there soon.”

Hanging up the phone, Eddie breathes in, out, in, out. He concentrates on trying to breathe, focusing on the sounds of Chris sleeping on the other side of the wall, doesn’t want to fall apart when he’s on his own. Not that he wants to fall apart with somebody else, but Buck—

Buck won’t judge him. Will he?

Eddie’s out of options. He doesn’t want to do this alone. The anger is threatening to swallow everything up, and Chris is devastated, and needs his dad to be strong when Eddie barely feels the threads of his sanity holding together. 

There’s the sound of a voice from the other room, but there’s not enough time for Eddie to pull away from the wall before Buck’s rounding the corner. He’s barefoot—kicked off his sneakers at the door because that’s the way Eddie likes it—and stupidly, it’s that small act that has Eddie heaving out a sob. 

“ _Eddie_ ,” Buck says, sounding wrecked. He’s got a hand on Eddie’s elbow, tugs him round.

Whatever hold Eddie’s got on his emotions shatters and twists away from him. He gasps in a breath as Buck holds him close, presses Eddie’s forehead to his neck. Eddie’s breathing is shaky, sobbing out words, nothing he can make sense of himself. Buck’s hand is a steady pressure on the back of his head, lips pressed to his temple. Eddie shakes apart, fisting a hand in the back of Buck’s shirt. 

There’s self-hatred and anger bursting in Eddie’s chest, but Buck tightens his grip before Eddie can pull away. 

“Asking for help isn’t a weakness, Eddie.”

The words should piss him off, but Eddie thinks about Chris, about how _lonely_ he is. “I can’t help him.”

Buck breathes out slowly. “You can. Not knowing isn’t the same as not being able to.”

“I know that,” Eddie bites out. 

They pull apart and Eddie swipes at his face. He stumbles towards the door to Chris’ room, and he peers inside. Chris is finally in a calm sleep, curled up under the sheets, and Eddie feels like he can breathe. 

A tsunami. Loses his mom and then gets caught in a tsunami? There isn’t even anyone Eddie can be mad at. Oh, he’s not proud to admit he tried to be mad at Buck. Hates himself for that, because how can he be mad at Buck when Buck’s the only other person on the planet who might love Chris as much as Eddie. 

Who _does_ love Chris as much as Eddie. 

Eddie heads for his own room, knows Buck will follow. “I know you tried to protect him,” he says, not looking over his shoulder. He doesn’t think he can get the words out if he does. “I know you’ve got your own shit to deal with because of Bobby and the department but I can’t—”

The words don’t come. 

Buck’s standing on the other side of the bed, staring at Eddie. Eddie meets his eyes, clenching his hands into fists because he doesn’t know what his emotions are doing. “You’re important too.”

Eddie closes his eyes. There’s the sound of soft footsteps on the carpet, Buck’s breath, and then fingers against his arm, sliding up to his neck. Eddie finally looks at Buck, who’s so patient, so gentle with his touches that it almost makes Eddie want to shatter. 

“You’re important too.”

“Chris needs me to be—”

“Chris is just happy to have his dad,” Buck stressed. “That kid loves you to death, Eddie. You’ve done a great job.”

Eddie can’t hear this. “Don’t.”

“I will,” Buck says, and the steel in his tone brings Eddie’s head up. “What was it you said to me? You love him enough to never stop trying.”

The words batter against the self-doubt and Eddie feels adrift. He twists a hand into Buck’s shirt again, swallows, and drops his head. “Buck.”

“Eddie,” Buck says softly. His fingers stroke down the back of Eddie’s neck, thumb against Eddie’s pulse point. Eddie wonders if he can feel it racing, if Buck can see the turmoil raging through Eddie like a beacon. “Don’t underestimate how much love can impact a kid, how much it can keep them adrift even when they’re falling apart.”

“I want to be able to help him,” Eddie admits in a whisper. 

Buck nods, tugs gently and Eddie goes, forehead to Buck’s neck. Buck strokes the back of his hair and it’s soothing. Eddie’s not touch-starved. Chris touches him all the time. Carla’s tactile, and even his time with Shannon had been intimate. But Buck—the kind of intimacy with Buck leaves him yearning for more and he’s not ready to address that yet. 

Not that he could tear himself away from Buck’s pull if he wanted to, and he really doesn’t want to. 

“I know you do,” Buck says. “And you are. You might not think so,” he continues at Eddie’s protesting noise, “but you are.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says abruptly. He tries to pull away, but Buck’s pressure is insistent. He gives, breathing out, tension bleeding from his shoulders. “Chris wasn’t the only one in the tsunami.”

Buck huffs out a breath. “You can help me out with my nightmares another night.” Eddie frowns, wants to say something to that, but Buck whispers, “sorry, that’s not funny.”

“I will,” Eddie promises, needs Buck to hear them. 

“You will,” Buck agrees. “But for now, I wanna help you. Will you let me?”

It’s on the tip of Eddie’s tongue to say no, that he doesn’t need the help, but Buck’s here. He’s in Eddie’s house, in the middle of the night, because Eddie asked. Because it’s Chris, because it’s _Eddie_. Eddie doesn’t know what to do with that kind of loyalty, with that kind of love. 

Pulling back to look Buck in the eye, Eddie swallows down the words. 

“Eddie,” Buck presses gently. “I won’t if you don’t want it.”

“I do,” Eddie admits quietly, feeling something in him _give_ at the confession. “I need your help, Buck.”

Buck nods, lips lifting into a small smile. “You have it. Whenever you need it.”

“But your stuff—”

“Eddie,” the frustration is obvious in Buck’s voice, “the station will still be there when I’m ready for it. You and Chris need me.”

Eddie’s chest feels tight, his hands shaking and he nods. 

“Come on,” Buck says, when it’s obvious Eddie doesn’t have the words. “Let’s try and get some sleep. In the morning, we’ll make pancakes, and we’ll call some people for Chris, alright?”

Too exhausted to argue, Eddie nods. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting when they get in bed, but it’s not for Buck to slide a hand over to Eddie’s and clasp it tightly. The last resistance gives and Eddie shifts, presses against Buck’s side. Closing his eyes, he feels Buck pull him closer, bury his face in Eddie’s hair. 

“We’ll figure this out. Together.”

“Okay,” Eddie says quietly. Perhaps they will. Maybe they won’t.

Either way, for the first time since Shannon died, since the tsunami, Eddie feels something solid beneath him and he’s not about to let it go. 

**Author's Note:**

> join me on [tumblr](http://thisissirius.tumblr.com) :)


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